I Don't Know What I Want

About

This poem, like many of my works, weaves together shared experiences. These moments, though not lived together, were entrusted to me, and I now blend them with my own to share with you. Deeply rooted in my personal journey, the poem begins with a statement posed by a high school senior. It is not about career paths but about the choices that shape our lives: family, life, and love. That student said, "I don't know what I want."

Poem

09: I don't know what I want.
Leaving behind the abuse of my past,
Yearning to return, yet I know I can't.
Life was easier when I slept on the floor,
Now I am longing for more.

13: I don't know what I want.
Wanted him gone but wished he would stay,
His only good advice was to keep my head high.
I did just that when he walked away,
But I still wonder, "Why?"

15: I don't know what I want.
Those who called me friend hurt me the most,
Yet without them, I stand here alone.

17: I don't know what I want.
My home was no phoenix, it did not rise,
I wished for the past, for easier times.
Yet I dreaded the floor, where I used to lie.

21: I don't know what I want.
Every decision feels wrong,
And the right path too steep,
How do I go on with no guide to help me leap?

24: I don't know what I want.
I want to feel loved, so I gave my all,
But she left me behind.
Afraid that love won't ever be mine.

27: I don't know what I want.
It's my whisper and my shield in the night,
I want a new future, but I cling to what's past,
Knowing the answer, but I escape the light.

30: I don't know what I want.
If I let them too close, I will suffer once more,
So I wear this facade, but my heart still acts true.
I pretend that I’m fine, but it shakes me to the core,
For I care deeply for those chosen few.

40: I don’t know what I want.
Because I'm still learning and finding my way.
I stumble, I fall, but keep moving along,
Maybe I'll find where I truly belong.

Music & Lyrics

Master Xolider,

In the mix.

I don't know what I want.

Every decision feels wrong,

And the right path too steep,

How do I go on with no guide to help me leap?

I don't know what I want.

Leaving behind the abuse of my past,

Yearning to return, yet I know I can't.

Life was easier when I slept on the floor,

Now I am longing for more.

I don't know what I want.

Leaving behind the abuse of my past,

Yearning to return, yet I know I can't.

Life was easier when I slept on the floor,

Now I am longing for more.

I don't know what I want.

Wanted him gone but wished he would stay,

His only good advice was to keep my head high.

I did just that when he walked away,

But I still wonder, "Why?"

I don't know what I want.

Those who called me friend hurt me the most,

Yet without them, I stand here alone.

I don't know what I want.

My home was no phoenix, it did not rise,

I wished for the past, for easier times.

Yet I dreaded the floor, where I used to lie.

I don't know what I want.

Every decision feels wrong,

And the right path too steep,

How do I go on with no guide to help me leap?

I don't know what I want.

I want to feel loved, so I gave my all,

But she left me behind.

Afraid that love won't ever be mine.

I don't know what I want.

It's my whisper and my shield in the night,

I want a new future, but I cling to what's past,

Knowing the answer, but I escape the light.

I don't know what I want.

Every decision feels wrong,

And the right path too steep,

How do I go on with no guide to help me leap?

I don't know what I want.

If I let them too close, I will suffer once more,

So I wear this facade, but my heart still acts true.

I pretend that I’m fine, but it shakes me to the core,

For I care deeply for those chosen few.

I don’t know what I want.

Because I'm still learning and finding my way.

I stumble, I fall, but keep moving along,

Maybe I'll find where I truly belong.

I don’t know what I want.

Because I'm still learning and finding my way.

I stumble, I fall, but keep moving along,

Maybe I'll find where I truly belong.